www.tcpclan.net

}TCP{Cee wrote:Once upon a time in the Kingdom of tcp there was a wise but always drunk ruler, King Carnage. He

was sitting on his throne waiting for the next belch when the jester stumbled in.
"My dear jester", he shouted incoherently, "I am drunk beyond anything mortals can comprehend. Make

me laugh."
The jester scratched his head in thought and replied "Well you see.. I have this sip over voip for

ts when ventirol is working up on gnu linux based.."
The king raised his hand. "What is this nonsense ? I asked for entertainment and you give me

klingon ? Guards, I blame the Kay ! Remove his head at once".
The guards dragged the Kay off, who wasnt even existant before and proceeded to chop his head off.
"WAIT !!", a voice shouted. It was Wolf, the technical advisor of the kingdom who built many fixes

to the unstable castle and who also kept nagging the Kingdoms most bootiful and desired guy, the

Cee, who will not make a cameo here.
"WAIT I SAID !! I need to get some popcorn for this first".
"Make haste, tech dood, because it is an urgent matter to finish this off before.." The king didnt

get to finish the sentence when all of a sudden a masked guy appeared in the hall.
"I am Taz, the assassin from another religious country and I came to help the guy in need. Where is

he at ?", he asked, looking around the hall and spotting Wolf.
"You there ! The guy with the weird glasses ! Find me a way out of this story to get the Cee back

for including me AGAIN in something silly like this ! Damn that guy, he just keeps adding me in his

posts on the forum and..". The king got up and barfed. "I do think this story outlived its purpose

by now", he said, wiping the stuff off his facial hair.
"But king, we didnt even include any other peeps, is this really fair ?", Wolf asked. They both

looked at the Kay and nodded in silent agreement.
"Let us blame him again for everything in this story, which the Van actually demanded (who also

didnt appear...that'd be way too much happening..the clan is too big..) and.. At this point, Ramses

the diplomatic guy of the kingdom hurried in and said "Enough of this. We have to work together to

build a better foundation for the future. Lets all unite in an effort to reach our goals faster,

make the world better, recompile Kernels, kill some snakes and forget all about this story, because

I dont like this role. But before that, let us FINALLY finish off the kay". He went to get the

hatchet and already held it ready to chop when the damn door of this kingdom, where everybody

seemed to be able to enter without any trouble at all, since the guards (Slaphead and ZZ) didnt

appear either.
It was the Van, who did show up after all. "What a tragedy ! You want to kill somebody in here

for.." she noticed the kay, "GIVE ME THE HATCHET, I'M GONNA KILL THAT GUY !! DONT TEMPT ME !! I'M

SO IN RAGE MAN !! I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL !!" and so she did...

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After most everybody died in the first story, it was up to the Van to revive everybody else, since

her "Magic rollers of Protection against everything" helped her survive the..whatever happened.
Sadly she only had 74 Adrenaline left and was therefore in need to hit or kill somebody to gain

enough for her Necro Powers to be unleashed upon the now (more than ever) useless and calm tcp

fellows. She kicked some tcps in the arse on her way out of the castle, which made her lose some

more adrenaline, but care she did not. And so her journey began.
The first thing she spotted, were the woods surrounding the castle. As a child, she often had heard

stories about helpless beings living in there, which could easily be mowed down. While she was

setting foot into the forest, a vision of the drunk king Carnage materialized in front of her.
“Yarrr..Eat my Ooozzeee”, was the only thing she managed to understand while he shared the remains

of his ghostly belly with the world.
“My king, I need to find Adrenaline, but as you know..well..I’ve always had a high ping

and..well..I’m usually a peaceful being..”, were her words while she tried to crush a passing by

squirrel with her iron boot.
“Listen Van, I only can give you one advice for now, since I’m close to passing out again. And that

advice is.. DON’T EFFIN FAIL US !! ME !! YOUR KING !! I DON’T WANNA STAY DEAD WITHOUT ALCOHOL !!

ITS LIKE BEING..WELL..DEAD !!”. He dissolved into thin air.
“That fool ! I never liked him and his alcoholic ways. He is so totally different from Wolf..Oh

Wolf..”. She searched her pockets for something and seemed to have found it as she held up a

picture of some sorts. Some people would say it should depict Wolf, but all you could see was a

cape and a hood, that covered the whole face in dark shadows. Did he even have a face ? Many

wondered about this, but since they sometimes heard him talk, he must’ve…or was he a good

one-of-those-people-who-spoke-without-moving-their-mouth ? As she sat there thinking, something

moved behind her.
Her high ping didn’t allow her to notice it quick enough to not get caught by surprise. A hairy

hand settled down on her shoulder and grabbed her.
“Hello Miss, do you require any assistance whatsoever in these dark times ?”.
“Ramses ! Shouldn’t you be dead in the castle with the other slob..fuc…assho..”, she coughed,”

friends of mine ?”
“I may look and act like the friendly guy from next door, but when the going gets tough, Ramses

always runs like a girl”. He grinned at her and scratched his beard in thought. “Now we need a way

to revive those other guys. I was thinking of checking out Wolfs lab and throw random potions on

everybody to see what happens. Might be amusing.”
“DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ANY OF WOLF’S THINGS OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS UNTIL THERES NOTHING LEFT TO

KICK !!”, Van quietly responded. “We should venture through the world in search for Adrenaline to

revive em with the Necro Combo”, was her idea.
“Van, this isn’t ut2k4.. This is real life..Even though it feels sillier than my usual daily

routine..Wait..where’s the bank ?”
“Stop throwing the readers off with your logical explanations. We need a girl to solve this crisis

and that is me. Look there behind the woods lies the village of Triaut, where many live who always

wanted to join the noble tcp castle. Maybe we can find somebody to help us and if not, we can still

pillage and plunder. PILLAGE AND PLUNDER !! DON’T TEMPT ME !!”. Ramses stepped back to avoid

getting knocked out by her whirling arm movements. “Moo”.
“Are you alright Van ? You sounded like a cow there..”, Ramses asked, half concerned, half glad

that she finally calmed down.
“That wasn’t me. But I do feel we will eat meat tonight. Fresh meat. May it be cooked or raw. I

will eat it. Its meat. I LOVE MEAT ! Lets go.”
They walked for a few minutes, following the odd moo noises through the woods. Suddenly Ramses

stopped. “Is..Is that a guy over there dressed like a cow and mooing ?”, he asked.
The cow person looked up and started running towards them as he spotted the 2 wanderers.
“MOO !! MOO MY FRIEND S !!”
“What the f***in hell are you supposed to be ? Cow or not, I still am hungry and you have plenty of

meat !!”, Van cried out.
“Woah, hi. My name is Muh. I usually belong to the tcp castle as well, but ever since I started

wearing this cursed cow costume, my life became more and more a cows life. Please help me to get

rid of this evil curse !”, he said sniffing and groveling.
“Pathetic ! Of course we will help you out. Close your eyes”, Van said, reaching for her patented

“Cut all or get your money back” knife.
“Noo, you cant kill that..cow..person..Van. He might be insane, crazy and German, but we could need

his help to travel the land.” Van lowered the knife in disappointment. “What are we gonna do ? Milk

him ?”, she asked in all seriousness. Both males stared at her in disbelief.
“Umm..listen.. I have a stable in the village of Triaut..Why don’t we go there to discuss further

procedures ? Moo ?” They all looked at each other, nodded and started walking towards the village,

forgetting all about the things living in the forest, which they wanted to pwn.